


Selfish

by Lastwaterbender



Category: The Martian
Genre: Comfort, F/M, Family Issues, Johanssen is a little ball of rage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-26
Updated: 2016-08-26
Packaged: 2018-08-11 02:09:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7871611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lastwaterbender/pseuds/Lastwaterbender
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Of course  SHE was the selfish one for wanting to go back to Mars to save Watney.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Selfish

They didn’t always get to spend their private time together.

It really depended on the set schedule NASA had laid out for them, which had gotten a lot looser since they were headed back to Mars. He spent most of the day studying the effects of extended space travel, while the rest of them made sure the ship didn’t fall apart.

On occasion he had to go outside HERMES and recalibrate something here or there, but his work wasn’t as exciting as the others.

Today, for their private time they sat side by side, Beck was reading a medical journal about Empagliflozin, Cardiovascular Outcomes and Mortality in Type II Diabetes that was written by a colleague back on earth, who had mentioned it in an email. It was interesting enough.

Johanssen sat with her legs crossed and a laptop on her lap, she was typing furiously on the computer, an email to her sister. After a while, she growled as her fingers hit the keys harder. “You okay?” Beck said, turning to look at her. He could see the email was long, but he wasn’t sure what had made her so angry.

“My entire family is pissed off at me.” She snapped.

Beck raised an eyebrow and sat his tablet to the side. “Do you want to talk about it?” He asked.

She clenched her fist before letting it go. “My sister is getting married and they think it’s selfish of me to volunteer to stay in space longer on the off chance we can save Mark.” She said, he could sense the anger radiating off of her, he reached over and took the computer off of her lap in fear that she was going to throw it across the room. “Because SHE needs ME to be a bridesmaid for her wedding, which is scheduled for the weekend after we were supposed to get home! And it’s only because and I quote ‘Would look with Tony’s friend Dean, for pictures’ ugh!”

She jumped up and started to pace. She wanted to hit something. “A. I didn’t know she was even getting married and two even if I did know she was getting married, I would still make the same choice again and again to save Mark. My mother had the nerve to ask me if we could postpone saving Mark until later!” She ranted. “Then she got mad when is said ‘no mother, Mark will fucking starve if we don’t go back now.’”

“Then she had the nerve to fucking cry, both of them cry because I don’t care about Shanna getting married. Because I could care fucking less about it! Let Shanna have her perfect wedding with her perfect husband and perfect family, see if I care.”

Beck jumped up and caught her, stopping her from pacing back and forth. “Breathe, Beth.” He said softly. “Don’t let them make you feel guilty for not being there, screw them they are billions of miles away.”

He took deep breaths to get her to copy him and she did for a moment. “My dad asked about our supplies and I ended up telling him about the worst case scenario.” She said.

“Yeah?” He asked, Beck knew out of all of her family, her father had supported her space endeavors. In fact, in all the time they were training for the mission, Beck had only met him and her aunt. He remembered on their last dinner on earth, an event with the astronaut’s families, her father flying in from California right before it, stating that her mother and sister were competing in a pageant or something that she had qualified for last minute. He remembered the disappointment on her face and before he could ask her about it, she had shaken it off and had pretended that nothing had happened. Beck knew that she was bothered by it, when he did approach her about it later she only shrugged and asked why she should be surprised, she was only going to outer space.

“Yeah, apparently my mother is worried about me and forgets to show it sometimes.” She snapped before she took a deep breath and took a step away from him. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be taking this out on you.”

He took a step towards her and placed a hand on her upper arm. “It’s okay.” He said softly, rubbing her arm. “It’s what I’m here for.”

She scoffed. “I doubt that being a shrink is a part of your duties.” She said as she rolled her eyes and turned away from him.

“No, but as your friend I am here to make you feel better.” He corrected, he caught her chin to look at him. “Really, it’s okay.”

She looked away, ashamed that she snapped at him. “He wanted to know why they were making me do this.” She said and stepped away from him with the strong need to pace. “I explained to him that they weren’t making me do this and I wasn’t doing it to spite Shanna and mom, I can’t let Watney die.”

Beck understood, he had had the same conversation with his family about saving Mark. They were more receptive than Beth’s family was. “I told him that I won’t die, even if everything goes wrong.” She said quietly. “That got my mom and sisters attention, so they showed back up on the screen. I told them about the plan, about you guys taking the pills and that I will be the survivor. I told them that the supplies won’t be the only source of food.”

Her voice hitched and his hands went back to her arms. He knew that she had hated the idea, she was a mess about it the day before. “And you know what my sister says.” She asked in a whisper. “She says, ‘I can’t get married in seventeen months!’ She’s more worried about her fucking fairy tale wedding than me having to eat you in the worst case scenario.”

Her hands clenched up and he pulled her tightly against him, allowing her to breathe heavily into his chest. “At least my father had the gall to be offended by it.” She seethed, muffled by his shoulder. “Mom told Shanna that they would find someone to take my spot in the line, ‘maybe Chrystal Andrews, MY best friend from middle school, she’s pretty enough.’ I just want to fucking punch something!”

He took a step back, knowing full well that she would strike whatever was closest if it came down to it. “I’m sorry that I accepted a job in outer god damned space and just can’t commute to your motherfucking wedding! How selfish of me to VOLUTEER to go back to Mars and save Mark’s life because they were waiting for me to get home! Oh poor Shanna, how selfish of me! Think of your motherfucking sister, Bethy! Nothing about I have to eat my fucking crewmates if things go bad.”

He had never seen her so angry. Her face was red and he jumped when she placed her fist into the wall, she didn’t even wince. He caught her arm, to stop her from punching the wall again. He already feared that she broke her wrist by just glancing at the bruising that was starting to form, but he knew that she wouldn’t allow him to look at it yet. “What can I do?”

“I need to run or something.” She growled and she rested her hand on the wall, breathing heavily.

He watched her storm out without another word. He understood her need for physical response to calm herself and hopefully after thirty minutes, she’d be calmer to talk too and maybe be more reasonable to as to look at her hand. Beck left her room and went to the rec, to see Lewis sitting on the couch with a mug between her hands. She was watching a movie, something that he didn’t recognize.

“Hey.” He said as she looked over at him.

“Everything alright with Johanssen?” She asked, muting the screen. She had heard Johannsen shouting as she walked back to the ladder to go to the rec, she had peeked open the door to see her pacing and Beck watching her worriedly and had decided to let him handle it.

He shrugged as he reached into the cooler for some water. “Her parents are assholes.” He said nonchalantly, it was their off time so there was a lack of formality.

She nodded. “I knew that, her mom and sister blew her off on our farewell dinner for a beauty pageant, the girl is thirty years old for Christ sake.” Melissa said as he took a seat next to her. He rested his heels on the coffee table.

“Well her sister is getting married.” Beck said, taking a sip from his water pouch. “She’s supposed to get married the weekend after we were supposed to get home.”

Lewis nodded, she could imagine the melt down from Johanssen’s mother and sister when she told them she wasn’t going to be home for another seventeen months. Her husband wasn’t happy, but understood, she imagined these ladies would be downright brutal. “They wanted us to postpone saving Mark so she could come back to earth to be in the wedding.”

“Ouch.” Lewis commented.

“Yee-ah.” He said. “She’s also still very upset about the worst case scenario thing, I think that’s what made this worse.”

Lewis looked down at the mug in her hands as guilt shot through her. “How’d her parents take that?”

“Her sister said that she couldn’t wait seventeen months to get married.” He answered with a heavy sigh, he was going to punch that ungrateful bitch in the face when he got back to earth. “Beth punched the wall, I think she broke her wrist.”

Lewis’ eyebrows shot up. “Where is she now?”

“She’s running, her adrenaline is so high right now, she doesn’t feel it.” Beck answered with a sigh. “She won’t let me near it until she feels she’s under control.”

Lewis nodded. “Keep an eye on it and let me know.” She answered as another person slid down the ladder, both looked up to see Martinez slide down.

“Johanssen just kicked me out of the gym.” He said grumpily as he flopped on the other couch.

“Yeah, she’s going through some serious stuff right now.” Lewis explained. “It would be best to leave her alone.”

“I’m not going anywhere near her for the foreseeable future.” Martinez said, holding his hands up in surrender. “She bit my head off when I asked if she was okay.”

“I’m going to give her a few minutes before I go talk to her.” Beck said with a sigh. He felt bad, Martinez seemed to always be on the brunt of her abuse when she got into these types of moods and he always tried to encourage her to find other outlets.

Martinez paled. “You might wanna take a tranquilizer dart or something, I don’t know what set her off but I’ve never seen her like this. She isn’t still mad about the cannibalism thing is she?”

Beck shook his head before he shrugged. “Well, I think it’s part of it.” He answered as they fell into silence, Lewis turned the sound back on and the three of them sat and watched the movie. But his insides turned and after a while he couldn’t take it anymore and got up. “I’m going to go check on her.”

“Good luck man.” Martinez said and waved him off.

Lewis looked at him in concern. “Do you want back up?” She asked.

He shook his head. “I’ll be fine.” He said. “I’ll see you guys in the morning.”

He took the ladder up and crossed the center to the gym, sliding back down the other side. She was running hard and fast on the treadmill, sweat made her hair cling to her face. She was in her own world with music blaring loudly from her headphones.

He crossed the room and stood to her side, waiting for her to acknowledge him. He looked at the screen, she had been only running for fifteen minutes and she had already put in two miles. She looked up at him and slowed the machine down into a stop, pulling out her headphones and looked at him expectedly.

“Feeling any better?” He asked, his eyes scanning her body for any signs of distress.

She shook her head. “It’s not the same running on a treadmill.” She answered breathlessly. She winced as she bumped her hand against the arms of the machine and he was quick to notice.

“Let me see.” He said softly as he held out his hand for her, so that he can examine her wrist.

She huffed. “It’s fine, I promise.”

He gave her a look that clearly said that he wasn’t asking and she complied, extending her left arm to him so that he could look. It was purple, warm to the touch, and swollen. When he touched it gently she gasped. “It’s not fine, come on we need to x-ray it.”

She nodded and followed him to the ladder, knowing it was going to be a very painful journey up to the center of the ship and then down to his lab that was on the same wing as their bedrooms. She started to climb first, just in case she slipped he could catch her.

Once inside his lab, she had tears streaming down her face. It was the first time that she had realized that she was actually in any pain and she obediently sat on the table. It was the first time that she actually felt sheepish about her outburst. He set up the x-ray machine and when he returned to prepare her arm, he caught her sheepish look.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered. “I didn’t mean extra work for you.”

His hand went to cup her cheek, to force her to look up at him. “It’s okay, though I would rather you not hurt yourself.” He said softly. “I just wish you wouldn’t let your family get to you.”

Johanssen bit her lip and looked down at her lap. “It’s just, I’ve never been good enough for them.” She whispered. “I don’t know why I’m surprised that they would act like this, but I’m sure they did because there isn’t anything I can really do about it.”

“Screw them then.” Beck said firmly and she looked up at him confused. “They don’t deserve you, Beth and you are so much better than they will ever be.”

She didn’t know what to say, it had never been so cut and dry. “You don’t need them, you’ve got us.” He said so plainly. “You’ve got me.”

A sob/laugh mixture escaped her lips as she buried her face into his stomach, wrapping her good arm around his waist. “That’s so corny.” She said, muffled by the fabric of his hoodie.

He smiled as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Yeah, but it made you feel better, didn’t it?” He asked.

She pulled back and looked up with him, a smile on her face. “Yeah.”

 Beck leaned down and pressed his lips to her forehead. “Come on, let me x-ray that and I will give you something for the pain.” He responded tenderly, he turned and grabbed the lead apron and placed over her before setting the table up in front of her.

Gently, Beck led her arm to the silver table and positioned it to where it needed to be. She swore under her breath, but kept still as he disappeared behind the curtain to press the button. He returned and repeated the same thing again, manipulating her wrist to its side to get another x-ray.

When he returned, he pressed on the screen a couple of times before the images appeared. He scooted to the side so that she could see what he was looking at. His doctor mode turned on without even realizing it. “You’ve got a distal radius fracture.” He said surprised as he pointed to the break, he had hoped to see just a small little crack, but it was a clear break. She was impressively strong for how small she was. “I will have to splint it for a day or two so that the swelling comes down and then we will have to reset it.”

He got up and went to get the supplies. She sat there and glared at the picture on the screen, how did she let her family bother her to the point of childishly punching the wall and breaking her wrist? He was right, she didn’t need them. Fuck them all.

She sighed again, she needed to apologize to Martinez.

Beck returned and pulled the other chair so that he could sit in front of her. He sat with her knees between his as he sat the materials on the table. He had his serious doctor face on as he dipped the roller gauze in some cooling gel and started to tightly wrap it around the broken bone. She inhaled as the coolness of the gel, but it felt good.

The bandage was tight around her arm and the ace bandage that stopped before her elbow was held down with the metal claw. When he finished, he rested his hands on her thighs. “Thank you, Doctor Beck.” She said with a teasing smile. Well at least the best she could, her wrist was starting to throb.

“Don’t thank me just yet.” He said with a smile as he opened a pill pack and dropped two white pills into her hand.  “This is the good stuff.” He handed her a water pouch and watched as she took the pills in one sip. “Come on, you need to go to bed.”

She got up and followed him towards her bunk. He opened the door and waited for her to step inside before shutting it behind him.  She moved automatically to the drawer that she kept her pajamas in, pulling out a tank top and a pair of shorts to change into. He stood awkwardly waiting for her to give him direction.

“Can you help me?” She asked. “I don’t think I can pull this sweater off with this.” She motioned to the splint on her arm.

He nodded and stepped up to her, his hands going to the hem of the sweatshirt and raising it up over her head slowly, mindful that she was still in pain. “This isn’t how I imagined this happening.” He said with a chuckle as she stood in front of him in a bright blue bra.

She didn’t shy away from his gaze, but her cheeks flushed. “Oh?” She asked coyly.

His hand went to her waist. “Not at all. I was thinking there would be more romance, dimmed lights . . .” He said in a sultry voice. His fingers traced her ribs up and over the material of the bra, then down her arms to grab her tank top. He was teasing her and he could read the look in her eye that said she was on the same page as he was. But he knew, now wasn’t the time for this-as much as both of them wanted to take that step in their relationship, she was about to be high on painkillers in about a three minutes. “We’ll have to try this again sometime.”

She snorted in laughter, clearly three minutes was stretching it, and the pain drugs were already in effect. He helped her put on the tank top and then pulled her pants down, replacing them with her shorts, but not before taking a moment to enjoy the feel of her smooth legs under his fingertips. He led her to the bed and waited for her to get situation, her coordination was thrown off by her heavily splinted arm.

He tucked her into bed and sat on the edge. “How are you feeling?” He asked softly.

Her eyes were already struggling to stay open, she rolled to her side to look at him. “More floaty than usual.” She said with a sigh as if she didn’t have a care in the world.

“You’re not in any pain?” He asked softly, his hand resting on her blanket covered hip.

She shook her head. “I’m sorry you had to give up your night off to take care of me.” She said softly.

He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. “I want to take care of you.” He whispered, kissing her one more time before sitting up, he rubbed his hand over her hip a couple of times as he watched her fight off slumber.

She gave him a soft smile as her eyes had started to close.

He got up slowly, tucked the blanket tighter around her before kissing her softly on the forehead and walked out of the room. With one last glance, he shut the light off and the door behind him only to become face to face with Lewis, who was heading to her own bed.

“Everything okay?” She asked, he was thankful that she didn’t give him crap for coming out of her room as if he was sneaking out.

Beck nodded. “Her wrist is definitely broken, I’ve splinted it and gave her a strong dose of Percocet, and she just fell asleep. I will have to reset it in a couple of days and put it in a hard cast, it should be fine.” He answered in his doctor-like tone. “I’m going to go work on the paperwork right now and report it to NASA.”

Lewis folded her arms and nodded in understanding. “And her family?”

He shrugged. “They could all go screw themselves.” He grumbled.

Her eyebrows shot up at his sudden aggression and was almost surprised that he didn’t word it like Johanssen would. She had noticed that Johannsen had been rubbing off on him and when he wasn’t paying attention, it came out and it was amusing. “Yes they can.” She agreed. “That’s why she has us.”

He nodded and gave a small smile that she doubted that he realized that he was smiling. “Yes, yes she does.” He said to himself before shaking his head. “I better get this paperwork done, I will see you in the morning.”

“Goodnight.” She said as he walked down the hall to his lab. She waited for him to disappear before opening Johannsen’s door to check on her, for her own peace of mind. She was curled onto her side, her face buried into the pillow, her heavily splinted arm peaked out from under the blanket. She sighed heavily, with his name on her lips.

Lewis smiled to herself and shut the door behind her before she went to her own room. A heavy sigh escaped her lips as she changed into her pajamas. She knew something had changed between them, she couldn’t put her finger on it, but just a feeling she had. Well, she had been warned to keep an eye out for.

NASA psychologists had predicted more than friendship between Johanssen and Beck. Actually she had heard both scenarios with Watney and Johannsen. The sexist men at NASA had assumed that because Beth Johannsen was a single female, that she wouldn’t be able to control her lustful thoughts for either men.

Beck yes, Watney no.

Lewis knew it was more than lustful thoughts, that they had formed a deep emotional connection after Watney had died and grew even closer when he was suddenly alive.

She shook her thoughts away as she climbed into bed. Whatever.

/

Beck finished his paperwork.

It was tough because he didn’t want to outright say that she punched the wall out of frustration, so he fudged the report just a little. She wouldn’t mind, because she didn’t want her family to know that they were the reason she hurt herself, NASA would release the report in twenty four hours and nobody would be the wiser.

He got up and shut off the computer.

He left his lab, walked past his room with the intention of checking on her one more time before he went to bed. Slowly he opened the door to see her laying on her back, dead to the world. Her splinted arm was at her side and the other above her head. He shut the door and smiled to himself. Yeah, he was going to take care of her forever.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
